Becoming web dead: Cleanse your online reputation

By VIVIAN SONG, NATIONAL BUREAU

It was 3 a.m. when Lori Paris sleepwalked her way into work, ready to anchor the overnight shift at her local radio station.

As always, she went to log into her Facebook account looking for the company of virtual friends at a lonely hour, but was blocked, greeted instead by hostile "error" messages flashing on her screen.

"Then a co-worker who works down the hall ran down asking, 'What do you need help with?" Paris recalled.

While the real McCoy was sitting at her desk in a Toronto radio station, an imposter from England had hijacked Paris' Facebook profile and was pleading for help in her status message.

"Apparently, I was stuck in London and needed $500 to get home," Paris said.

"I had been robbed at gunpoint and had no money to get back."

For the next few days, Paris was fielding frantic phone calls from friends and family who were ready to fork over money.

"I didn't want anyone to get ripped off," she said.

Unlike stories of feckless users who post personal information on public profiles, Paris had restricted access to friends she approved.

She was likely the victim of a worldwide phishing attack earlier this year that used the same ruse of being stuck in London and struck a "small number of users," said Debbie Frost, a Facebook spokesman.

"We're reminding users to be very suspicious of anyone, even friends, who ask you over the Internet to send money."

But users overestimate the security levels of social networking sites and forget that they're for-profit businesses with crude security systems -- not banks, said Avner Levin, the director of the Privacy Institute at Toronto's Ryerson University.

Meanwhile, though identity thieves are creating multiple doppelgangers of people online, an opposite phenomenon has also been surfacing -- scrubbing oneself offline, or web dead.

Companies such as ReputationDefender will scour the Internet and remove unflattering material that could sully their client's online reputation. For example, when a grad student discovered a picture of her half-naked body posted by a bitter ex-boyfriend, she enlisted ReputationDefender's help. The company's strategy is surprisingly simple: They ask the site host politely. They're not a legal team, says founder Michael Fertik, but they've seldom had to resort to legal methods in the 10,000 removal requests made so far.

Not everything is erasable. Official records like court documents and news clippings are immune.

"People are alive to the fact that the web is not their enemy," Fertik said from California. "It's a fact of life and people want to have as much control over it as possible."

But what if you don't have an online profile or e-mail account, as is common among the computer illiterate? Don't be quick to congratulate yourself on preserving anonymity, experts say.

Because unbeknownst to you, you could be identified in a nephew's Facebook family picture.

"The world is changing with social media," Levin said. "People will have to play by a new set of rules. Very little is sacred or within our control anymore."

But that shouldn't mean we get little say in how our information is used, say experts at the Canadian Internet Policy and Public Interest Clinic in Ottawa.

"The big criticism of social networking sites is that the terms of use aren't clear," said acting director and lawyer David Fewer. "The benefits are clear, but the cost of engaging in the service is unknown."

Lawyers at the clinic filed a complaint against the networking giant, alleging Facebook's policies violate Canadian privacy law by failing to identify how it collects and uses personal information, and what they do with personal information after users deactivate their accounts.

The policy must be in plain language and refrain from legalese, Fewer said, and clearly spell out privacy settings to its client base, which is made up predominantly of young users.

"The claim that privacy policies take care of everything is an incredible abdication of responsibility," Fewer said.

Facebook officials, meanwhile, maintain the complaint is flawed because it overlooks the obvious: That the data is willingly shared by users.

"At Facebook, we ... believe (the controls) are entirely consistent with both the spirit and requirements of Canadian privacy law," Frost said.

But are we asking too much of a service that, at the end of the day, is a for-profit business and not a government institution?

"We need to be reminded that Facebook is a business and has to make money," Levin said. "There's a strong sense of entitlement to privacy in social media. It's part of a larger sense of entitlement from getting things for free on the Internet like movies, music and software."

When you sign up for a free service, you "choose" to volunteer personal information that's then shared with third-party advertisers -- there has to be an exchange, Levin said.

"People have unrealistic expectations that you can get the best of both worlds. In the real world, something has to give."

vivian.song@sunmedia.ca

I was forwarded this fantastic website/Blog that can has some really great information on today’s teens through pop-culture!  Learning about today’s trends, hot items, great books and more!

Visit:  http://connectwithyourteens.blogspot.com and see what Jennifer is talking about today!

I love this website!  Maybe it is because I can relate so well, after raising an ADHD son or how it explains in simple language the challenges parents of ADD/ADHD children have. 

As summer is almost here, read these fantastic “Summer Survival Tips” for families of ADHD children from Power Moms Unite website. 

Striking a Balance: Summer Survival Tips for Families Managing ADHD

One major issue with ADHD and summer vacations is the bored factor. Once the novelty of having all that free-time-to-do-anything wears away, what to do with all that free time becomes a problem.  On the other hand, over-scheduling and over-planning the summer can lead to burn-out and irritability for both parents and children.  The art of managing ADHD during the summer is really about the art of finding balance.  Several strategies can help strike this balance.

Keep a calendar: Use a monthly or weekly calendar and write down vacation, camp and community trip dates.  Kids need routine to feel secure, but be sure to leave some dates empty to allow for free time to simple create and imagine in the back yard.

Prescript your day: Early in the day, sit with your child and review what they want to accomplish and what you need to accomplish.  Negotiate how each of you will spend your time so as not to conflict.  Explicitly state how you expect your child to behave for any important activities (like that very important conference call at 1PM) and be sure to reward them for following the “script.”

Make a summer contract: Use the summer as an opportunity to help your child explore their interests, reinforce their academic skills, and find their passions.  Write out a contract with your child, in which they list their goals for the summer.  Goals could include places they would like to visit, books they would like to read, cub scout activities they would like to complete, models they would like to build- the list of possibilities is endless.  Include goals you and the teacher identify as well.  If you have a therapist, consult them regarding activities to persue over the summer break.  Activities can be focused on building a friendship with a particular friend, trying new foods with dinner, volunteering at a local soup kitchen, or learning the steps to complimenting a sibling. Set a due date and reward for completing each goal.  Consider rewarding the child with a bonus for completing all their goals for the summer.

Loosen up but keep a routine: Part of the brillance of summer is the long days and lazy nights without a tight schedule to keep.  The occasional later bedtime and relaxation of the rules are part of the inherent beauty of summer vacation.  That being said, basic family rules, chores, and routines still need to be followed.  Be mindful that a little sleep deprivation can lead to meltdowns for both parent and child any time of year.  Rules about not playing on the computer all day, still need to be followed, even during the summer.  Too much screen time robs kids of opportunities to build social skills and develop interests as well as leads to irritability.

Manage medicine:  Some parents take a medication vacation over the summer, in an effort to allow their children to gain some weight and height.  There is little evidence however, that ADHD medications permanently impact a child’s height.  Kids often grow slower than their non-medicated peers, but do eventually catch-up.
Before taking a medication vacation, consider all the aspects of your child’s summer.  Will you be taking a long trip, during which time your child will need to sit still? How will you all survive the trip?  Will your child be in camp, where she will need to follow directions?  Will ADHD behavior make it hard for her to participate in group activities or attend to social cues from new friends?  Will your child have lots of unscheduled time with neighborhood kids, in which impulsive behavior could result in unsafe decisions or poor peer interactions? Before taking a medication vacation, consider all these potential situations.

ADHD is a chronic lifelong condition that needs to managed- will your child’s self-esteem, self-image, and social skill acquisition benefit from a medication vacation?  Consider your goals for your child’s summer and how a medication vacation could affect your child’s success in their summer activities.

In lieu of a complete ADHD medication vacation, consider the use of shorter acting medications for the most challenging activities of your child’s summer- like a long car ride or plane trip.  Shorter acting medications can cause fewer appetite- suppressing effects.  Speak with your child’s physician, and collaborate with your child, as you make these decisions.  Remember that as you are modeling healthy management of a condition that will likely be a lifelong journey for your child.  Fuel their passions, provide opportunities to build skills, and model a healthy approach to symptom management.

Relax: Use the summer to reconnect and play.  Just as your kids schedule time to do homework during the school year, schedule regular time to play with your kids every day after work.  Play catch, go for a swim, bike down to the ice cream shop- do activities together to build your relationship and create a healthy self- image. Enjoy your summer together!

Follow Power Moms Unite on Facebook!

Source: Next Generation Parenting

Research by University of Kentucky, USA, provides the following guidelines to establish Innovative Parenting Techniques in this 6 areas.

Care for Self
• Establish habits of healthy eating, rest and relaxation, sleep, and physical activity
• Stay away from harmful influences; i.e., substances, people, activities
• Keep adult relationships healthy
• Demonstrate a realistic balance between their own needs and the needs of their children
• Celebrate what they do well
• Share strong feelings with other trusted people
• Show ability to cope with three major stressors in their lives
• Identify and make a plan for managing anger triggers
• Demonstrate two ways to express anger that are self-satisfying, acceptable to others, and help ccomplish a desired goal

Understand
• Identify nature’s rules about how children grow and change at all ages
• Describe four areas of development: physical/motor, social, emotional, intellectual/language
• Describe insightfully parents’ own growing up experiences
• Recognize the individual child’s unique characteristics
• Verbalize understanding of one’s own and children’s temperamental differences and implications or getting along together
• Evidence of ability to observe how children grow and change
• Reports of age-appropriate parent-child play activities and playthings that help development along

Guide
• Describe the meaning of discipline—teaching self-control and self-responsibility
• Describe the meaning of guidance—walking beside child to show the way, letting the child learn by doing as much as possible
• Give examples of the family as an interactive system
• Describe the difference between discipline and punishment
• Demonstrate a balance between parental warmth/acceptance and parental control/strictness
• Demonstrate consistency as a principle of living: Structure provides stability, trust, security
• Demonstrate use of preventive discipline practices—realistic expectations for behavior, open communication, family ground rules, limited choices that increase with age, appropriate structure and routines, monitoring behavior according to developmental and individual differences, positive responses (do’s instead of don’ts; praise for following ground rules), child-proofing the environment for all ages, avoiding over-involvement in activities
• Demonstrate ability to manage misbehavior—recognizing reasons for misbehavior, firmness, fair and reasonable limits, non-punitive discipline that works, logical and natural consequences, consistency in enforcement when misbehavior occurs

• Express parental feelings of affection in both word and action
• Plan and engage in activities that are enjoyable for both parent and child
• Give examples of supportive, give-and-take conversation with child old enough to talk
• Listen attentively to children’s thoughts and feelings
• Use child’s name often and positively when speaking to them
• Acknowledge child’s place in the family by discussing details of her birth, selection of her name, stories about her early years, similarity to ancestors, etc.
• Implement age-appropriate ways of playing with child
• Show evidence of daily reading with child
• Give examples of sincere praise for specific actions and accomplishments
• Help children develop a sense of family and cultural heritage
• Help children develop a sense of spirituality through involvement in related home and community activities

Nurture

Motivate
• Establish a learning environment in the home for both children and parents, i.e., comfortable chairs for reading and designated places to store books and newspapers; limitations on television watching and other noisy influences; quiet place, good lighting, work space, and designated time for homework; reading material of interest to children and parents; regular visits to public library
• View themselves as their child’s most important teacher
• Stimulate child’s curiosity and desire to earn by providing concrete, sensory experiences in and near the home as well as around the community, in nature, and farther away through family trips and study if possible
• Describe child’s unique learning characteristics and multiple intelligences, i.e., visual, auditory,kinesthetic (movement-oriented), linguistic, musical, mathematical-scientific, etc.
• Identify child’s learning problems and do something about them
• Provide language-rich activities
• Encourage and respond supportively to child’s efforts to learn
• Promote relatively conflict-free environment at home for maximum peaceful concentration on learning
• Assist with homework to appropriate extent
• Promote child’s responsible decision-making through modeling and guidance
• Teach and practice wise time management through family activities, modeling, and encouragement

Advocate
• Become acquainted with the community and its resources
• Locate reliable resources and growth opportunities for benefit of parent and children
• Describe a process to locate high-quality, affordable child care
• Build parent’s own circle of resources to establish a baby-sitting cooperative, car pool, play group, ports league, etc.
• Effectively represent child’s needs to organizations and agencies to make a link with the child
• Write a letter to or telephone the child’s school to set up a conference with the teacher to discuss things that are going well and those that may need improvement
• Write a letter to speak up for positive change toward more community family-friendly policies

Are you at your wit’s end?

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent?  You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.

• Is your teen escalating out of control?
• Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
• Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
• Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
• Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
• Is your teen verbally abusive?
• Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
• Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
• Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Does your teen belong to a gang?
• Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
• Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
• Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions?  Have they become withdrawn from society?
• Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever?  Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
• Does he/she steal?
• Is your teen sexually active?
• Teen pregnancy? 
• Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
• Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
• Low self esteem and low self worth?
• Lack of motivation?  Low energy?
• Mood Swings?  Anxiety?
• Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
• Eating Disorders?  Weight loss? Weight gain?
• Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
• High School drop-out?
• Suspended or Expelled from school?
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
• ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
• Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
• Juvenile Delinquent?
• Conduct Disorder?
• Bipolar?
• Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

• Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?  Are you at your wit’s end?

Does any of the above sound familiar?  Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone.  There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.

Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem.  One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.   

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, please contact us. http://www.helpyourteens.com/free_information.shtml   An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child.  It is critical not to place your child out of his/her element.  In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems.  Be prepared – do your homework.

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change.  Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention.  Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need.  Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation.  At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there.

Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does.  Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes.  Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter. 

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:

·         Helping Teens - not Harming them

·         Building them up - not Breaking them down

·         Positive and Nurturing Environments - not Punitive

·         Family Involvement in Programs - not Isolation from the teen

·         Protect Children - not Punish them

Michael Fertik, CEO and Founder of ReputationDefender, was powerful force in helping these women fight for their online image.  As a client of ReputationDefender, their services are priceless - although there seems to be many of these services popping up now, as the demand grows, I feel that in my experiences, the pioneer of these online reputation management companies start with ReputatationDefender.

Our new book, Google Bomb,  will be a must read for anyone and everyone that works and plays online. From protecting your online profile and reputation, to keeping your kids safe, this new book is a must have - and can potentially help you from being a victim of wicked and evil keystrokes.

Years ago gossip was limited to a geographically area that you live in.  Today gossip goes viral worldwide!  Your one former friend is now a foe or a few clients out of years of a reputable business have decided to take revenge via e-venge!  Take cover, Google Bomb can help you protect yourself.

Read entire article here: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/AheadoftheCurve/Story?id=6960397&page=1

The Law as an Accomplice

Legal experts, however, emphasized that the law protects Web sites like Topix. Even if the comments are considered defamatory by a court of law, Topix has no legal obligation to take the content down.

Defenders of the legal landscape argue that a change could stifle open discussion and free speech. But others maintain that in stories like this, regardless of who emerges, once the veil of anonymity is lifted, it is the law itself that is a co-conspirator.

“The law as it currently stands is an accomplice because it creates no incentive whatsoever for Web sites to review or police themselves from content that is potentially devastating to real people and real lives,” Michael Fertik, a lawyer who specializes in online defamation, told ABCNews.com.

Part of the problem, Fertik continued, is that laws that made sense at the birth of the Internet age have not matured. It takes years to redress online defamation problems under the present regime. But, in the meantime, libelous comments easily found through search engines can sideline both personal and professional lives.

Although privacy and free speech advocates worry that changes to the law could “chill” online speech, Fertik argued that “the law can easily catch up without destroying speech.”

But until then?

“The law provides the red dye for the scarlet letter,” Fertik said. “It provides the ink for the tattoo that people create on Web sites like this.”

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/AheadoftheCurve/Story?id=6960397&page=1

Source: Tangerine Times

How to Help Your Teen Use Privacy Settings on Facebook

Many parents  tell me they are frustrated with their teens’ use of Facebook. Here are some of the comments I hear frequently from parents:

“They know more than I do about how to use it and set it up, so how can I control it?”

“My kids are using it when I am not around, so how can I possibly know what they are doing, who  they are talking to and if they are being safe with their information?”

“I feel this has gotten out of control, and I don’t really know what to do to get it back under control”

“I am afraid there are predators.”

“I give up.  I just hope they aren’t doing anything stupid because I haven’t a clue what they are doing online.”

What I see are parents who over control (they deny their kids  use of Facebook  entirely) or parents who are completely “hands off”.  And some of these are  parents who normally wouldn’t dream of sending their child into an unknown situation without a little research.  Crazy huh?  I’ve decided to begin a campaign to de-mystify Facebook for those parents who feel they are not comfortable enough to set boundaries for their teens.  It’s not rocket science but I completely understand their frustration in trying to understand it all.

Here are some tips about privacy settings on Facebook.  It is never too late to ask your teenager about their privacy settings, even if they have had their account for years.

Friend Lists

(this is configured by visiting the “Friends area” of Facebook)

• you can set up different friend lists based on interests; in the case of teens, maybe they shouldn’t have their friends from their high school  in the same friends list with the kids they went to summer camp with 5 years ago  OR if they “friend” someone outside of their school.  Remember:
• you can add each friend to more than one friend group
• “Friend Lists” can have specific privacy policies applied to them (this is critical if your child is having a “problem” with one friend but doesn’t want to “un-friend them”

Watch out for Friends’ News Feeds

Most teens use the relationship box but it can be hazardous.  A news feed goes out (to all their “friends”)  as soon as they change their relationship status.  Some teenagers even find out they are bringing “broken up with” because they get a news feed their boyfriend/girlfriend is now “single”.  ouch.  IF your and your teen decide to keep this particular information private, all they have to do is uncheck the box next to “Remove Relationship Status in the “News Feed and Wall Privacy” page.

Those Goofy Applications

Facebook is known for their fun quizzes and applications.  Right now, the hottest app is the “25 Random Things About Me”.  People love taking these little quizzes and passing them along to their “friends”.  But, keep in mind there are some applications that have an age requirement/limit to them and by simply participating, your teen is sending out a signal that they are over 18 (for instance).  Also, applications send out their own news feed.  For instance, “Sarah just took the Sexual Compatibility Test!”  gets sent to  your “friends” after you’ve taken one of the little “quizzes.”  Many publish these without you knowing it.  There are two suggestions you can give your teen;  don’t visit the applications often (and be careful which ones you do) and review your profile after you’ve participated in a new quiz or fun “something”.

Walling

Your teen can customize their wall postings’ visibility.  They can also control which friends can post on their wall.  Here are the two places do that:

• Go to “Profile page”
• Click on the “Settings” icon on the wall
• Find the box that says, “Who can see this?” and select who you want to view the wall posts

Another way is….

• to control which friends can post on your  teen’s wall  (this is particularly useful if someone is getting a little “nasty” and starting a words war)
• visit “Profile Privacy Settings”page
• go to the section labeled “Wall Posts”
• your teen can disable a specific friends ability to post on their wall and you can select specific friends who can post on their wall.

Remove them from Facebook Search Results

By default, Facebook makes your teens’ presence visible to the network they are in.  For instance, in my area, the default group is the SF network.  Most teenagers belong to at least their school’s network which (I believe) is the most important group for a teen to belong to.  It is their primary means of sharing with each other, debrief the day and communicate about upcoming events.  Obviously, there are many other “networks” and groups to belong to.  It should be up to you and your child how many and which ones to belong to.  As you add groups, the exposure is widened.  For good or ill.

• Visit “search privacy settings” page
• Under “Search Visibility” select “Only Friends” (doing so, will remove your teen from Facebook search results, so make sure they (you) want them removed totally.
• Otherwise….you can select another group, such as “My Network and Friends” which (I think) is the default
• Click “Save Changes”

Remove them from Google Search

Did you know that Facebook gets lots of traffic from displaying user profiles in search engines.  It benefits Facebook.  Not necessarily a teenager.  Not all of  one’s  profile is displayed.  Currently the information displayed is limited to:

• the profile picture
• your friends list
• a link to add as a friend
• a link to send you a mesage
• a list of up to 20 fan pages that you are a member of

For plenty of people, being displayed in the search engines is a great way to let people get in contact with you (or discover you).  I use it for just this reason to market my blog especially since Facebook tends to rank high in the search results but not everyone wants their information to be public (and I’m plenty careful about what is public on mine)

By visiting “Search Privacy Settings Page” (same as above); you can control the visiblility of your  teen’s public search listing which is visible to Google and other search engines.  You can turn off the public search listing by simply un-checking the box next to the phraes “Create a public search listing for me and submit it for search engine indexing”.  By the way, this option only shows up if you’ve selected “Everyone” under “Search Visibility”.

Avoid Embarrassing Photo/Video Tagging Mistakes

This is one of the most difficult (and common) problems that teens have with Facebook.  Sometimes it’s not even the poor judgment of the teen that gets them into trouble but the poor judgment of a “friend” who posts an ill-gotten, poorly timed photo or dis-tasteful video and then tags your unfortunate teenager.

How do you help your teen avoid this form of potential embarrassment?

• Visit the page called, “profile privacy”  and modify the setting next to “Photos Tagged of You”
• Select the option which says “Customize…” and a box while pop up
• Select the option “Only Me” and then…
• “None of my Networks”  if you would like to keep everything (all photos/videos) private.
• If you’d like to make tagged photos visible to certain users, choose to add them in the box under “Some Friends”
• In the box that displays after you select “Some Friends” you can type either individual friends or a friends list

Photos Privacy Page

Many times people will go to the effort of turning off their tagged photo visibility to certain friends but yet “forget” about their photo albums.  If you are trying to make all your photos invisible you have to do so with each album as well.

There is a specific “Photos Privacy Page” where you can manually configure the visibility of each album.  This setting is extremely useful and I highly recommend you take the time to show your teen how to use it and encourage them TO use it.   It may take some time initially to set up, but in the long run, only the people you truly want to view your photos, can see them.

Contact Information

Last by not least, make sure your teen has not listed your home phone number under contact info OR home address.  In fact, this is probably the one area that I think parents should have the MOST say in.  After all, your teen’s phone number, address, age, school etc are all pieces of information that are negotiable!

That’s my 2 cents.  Hopefully some of you will find this helpful.  I’ll continue to update and add information as parent/readers write in with other questions.